Hello from Baehr and Curadh, a podcast from the Land of Awes Information Services.
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I love you Curadh, I love you Baehr.
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This is episode 111 of the Baehr and Curadh podcast, we're going to talk about us.
If you could go back in time, would you make out with yourself?
I think I want to hear your answer first.
No.
No, no, not back then, never.
But you know the answer to that, I already have ugly talk with you.
So you're not your own type?
No.
No, I guess not.
I just want to, if you're weird, to be oogi, you would have never had a twin fantasy.
Never.
No.
Would you do it?
Would you make out with yourself?
Most definitely.
Really?
No, I think.
Especially during the early days of the AIDS pandemic, when nobody knew what the cause was
and there was no treatment, having sex with yourself would be the ultimate safe sense.
No, I guess so, yeah, I guess that would be, you know, you would know it.
And I would know exactly what to do with wind and how hard and how soft and...
Yeah.
I guess you make a pretty good balance point.
It just would be weird though, I guess.
Of course it would be weird.
Yeah.
So, yeah, I don't, yeah, I don't, I think I'd laugh the whole time.
Hmm.
Yeah.
I'm a lot more serious about sex, you are, I guess.
Yeah, I guess there's only a few that is bowling though, but, yeah, I think I would laugh.
Yeah, I'd probably be like a little kid, just giggling, like, yeah, I don't think I'd be
able to do it.
So, that's interesting that you want me to hear my answer first though.
What?
Yeah, because every time I answer, you always have to agree with me.
All right.
What's your biggest complaint about your job?
Uh, where do I start?
I'm kidding.
Right?
There's not one specific thing.
That's a good question.
I just, I would like for you, people to be nicer.
That's all.
I mean, I preach hell all the time on this podcast about, you know, if people aren't so hateful,
um, I understand that people are coming in there and they're in a pinch, but it doesn't
mean they have to ruin everybody else's day.
And, you know, I, I try my best to, to make him an enjoyable experience and when you come
at me and you're nasty, first off, that's not going to get you anywhere with me.
Uh, I understand you're there to pinch, but treating me like a piece of crap isn't going
to get you any more money.
It's going to make me dislike you and it's going to get you less money.
So it's, you know, you jacked more bees with honey than you do with vinegar.
So, um, I would have to say that just people need to be nicer.
Okay.
How about you?
Um, I don't really have any complaints about my job.
I love my job.
Okay.
Um, I think that the wonderful job that I have right now is Karma paying me back for the
horrible, horrible job that I had before that.
Yeah.
That's true.
That's good.
That's good point.
Yeah.
I don't know how long Karma will hold out, because I don't know how long this job will hold
out.
Uh, hopefully you will hold out until you decide to retire.
Yeah.
That was my hope.
Yeah.
And right now, the way things are, who knows?
Yeah.
Well, we're hoping for the best, the best to be, to watch.
Yeah.
But still, we're hoping for the best.
And I guess no matter how great your job is, you should always keep your resume up
today.
Yeah.
I guess so.
So you don't have any complaints about your job at all?
Well, um, the only complaint I would have is that I'm a tiny, tiny, tiny cog and a huge,
huge, huge machine.
And, um, that's part of what I like about the job, but it's also a frustrating thing.
Yeah.
Um, I don't have an admin account on my computer.
So every time I need some software installed to make, to do my job, I have to go to IT and
have them install it for me, and I have to fill out forms proving that I needed to.
And wait.
Yeah.
Uh, if I need a registry setting, I have to go through paperwork when I, I could have
it done in 10 seconds.
Yeah.
My own.
I'm about to retake.
Yeah.
That sucks.
And I'm not used to that.
The last few jobs I've had, I was it.
I did everything and they trusted me and it's hard to, to not have them.
That anymore.
Yeah.
Like you said, you're, you're a cog in this huge machine, so yeah, well, that's unfortunate.
What is your favorite zoo animal?
I like them all.
Do you?
Yeah.
Have you seen me particularly like a certain animal?
Hmm.
Never really.
No.
I mean, it's cute.
You talked to them all.
Yes.
I talked to them.
They don't ever answer back.
Good.
Yeah.
A little.
I did.
We have a problem there.
I think they did.
I already know your answer.
It's the otters.
Yep.
Yeah.
You know that.
You might have like a little kid when I get to go see the otters.
You know that.
You sure too.
So.
But yeah, you, you don't have one in particular.
I kind of like the animals in the herpitary of more than the other animals.
The, the, the lizards and snakes and all that.
Yeah.
It's interesting.
I figured you'd say like that.
So I was trying to out back the birds and all that stuff.
Yeah.
I guess that would be my favorite.
Cause I enjoy walking through there and hearing all the birds and having them fly overhead.
And you close to them and talk to them too.
Yeah.
Especially the parrot and stuff like that.
So.
So you would say those are probably.
I guess no particular species.
Yeah.
I like the whole exhibit.
Yeah.
I mean, it's cute.
Yeah.
What's the emoji you use the most?
The big pile of steaming poop.
I'm kidding.
I don't use emojis.
I don't use any emojis ever.
Do you?
Hardly ever.
Maybe more in my current job than ever, ever, ever before.
Because people hit me up on teams all the time, one questions and I give them the answer.
And often the one that everyone uses is the thumbs up.
Yeah.
I don't use the emoji.
I guess the emoji I probably would use if anything would probably be the heart.
Would you send me all the time?
Yeah.
I love you.
So I mean, and you always, and you do the, I love you back.
Uh-huh.
With a sheep.
Uh-huh.
So the heart.
No, no, no.
I, a ball, an eyeball, and a heart and a sheep.
Yeah.
No.
I love you.
Yeah.
But no, I don't, I'm not an emoji person.
I don't, I don't know.
It's just not my thing.
So I guess I'm an adult.
They even have emoji translators.
Well, some of them you need to because now people like white sentences and emoji.
Well, I think because people use them that they say, take this sentence and turn it into
emojis.
It'll do it.
Oh, really?
That's interesting.
Huh.
I guess it's too, uh, too difficult to actually just spell something out in other days.
Uh-huh.
Huh.
When name was ruined for you because you knew someone terrible with that name.
Kevin.
That didn't take you long at all.
I don't have an answer for this question, really.
Well, you remember I was just saying that my last job, well, Kevin, was just an awful, horrible
person.
Yes, he was.
And I had to work for him.
Yes, he was.
And God.
You knew you were in for it when it was a two second day of work.
They said, so you're going to stick around the first day and the second day and the
third day.
At the end of the day, they asked me if I was going to come back.
Mm-hmm.
I should have known, yeah, that I bet they've had a bunch of people walk out.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, it wasn't even like the job paid well.
Oh, it paid okay.
Mm-hmm.
It didn't pay.
When you're making that.
Yeah.
I still think you're underpaid.
But now every time that there is a guy at work, his name is Kevin, he's very friendly.
And the only reason I could remember his name is because it's Kevin.
You're so bad.
You're terrible.
But no, I don't have, I don't really have a name like that.
It's, you know, turning off that bad where it's, you know, there's, there's, I'm trying to
think there's an actor that I can't absolutely stand because of one of the roles that he was in.
He played such a good bad guy that I absolutely hated him.
It was hard for me to get a working him and other things.
It must have been one of those mafia movies.
I think so.
But yeah, but yeah, I mean, that probably occurs more to me than anything else that, you know.
Or if I see someone in a show, heard a dog or a cat, that person's done, even if it's a movie.
The actors just love the evil roles that they're the most fun to portray.
Because they're massacists, they're, yeah, no.
But yeah, there's really not a name.
So, no, I'll take that back.
Dean.
Dean probably be one.
Yeah.
All deans.
Yeah.
Because of that one.
Because he's a dick.
And if I were, I told you I've ever read until again, I'd beat his ass.
And that still stands 20-something years later.
So.
So that's just popped into my head.
But it's not that deep-seated.
I just would beat him up or get no fight with him.
I'd happily spend a day in jail after kicking his ass.
So.
Don't expect me to bail you out.
No, I know you wouldn't.
It does some sort of sick fantasy about me being in prison with a bunch of other guys.
I'm kidding.
What's the best conspiracy theory you can think of?
I'm mad.
I don't know if this means that it's the most possible or the least possible.
I couldn't give you any conspiracy theory right now.
Well, there's the one now that's spreading good.
I read last night, this whole Trump thing was a setup, this whole assassination plot.
To tell the legs the dog.
Yeah.
It was a set up to make him look good.
That's why he jumped right up and was giving the, you know, the, let's go sign and, you know, jumped all up and all that stuff.
But that's my conspiracy theory that I had.
But no, I'm not a conspiracy theorist.
Some of the more viable ones is that Michelle Obama's a man, which is 99.
They're stupid.
There's no, I mean, how about you?
You do believe the ones that all birds have been replaced by robots.
Oh, that's true.
That's not a conspiracy theory.
That's absolutely 100% certified.
That's real.
That's why we have power courts so they can recharge.
They sit up there and they recharge the batteries.
And it's all set up by CIA.
Yep.
Well, I would say any conspiracy theory having to do with the government.
Where people say it's a big government cover up.
I've worked for big government before.
And you can't cover up nothing.
I worked in the aviation industry early in my career.
And there was a magazine that everybody read called Aviation Weekly.
And we called it Aviation Weekly because every secret thing that we were supposed to hold to our tests and never reveal was in there week after week.
Well, wow.
The government can't have a successful conspiracy.
There's just too many people with wagging tongues.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, you can't even, right now, the Supreme Court can't even keep a decision shot.
They're definitely before the actual holds.
Yeah.
So, you know, and that's supposed to be the whole of the highest esteem pretty much.
So, yeah.
So, I believe it's what you're saying.
So, but yeah.
If there was a slogan for your life, what would it be?
Okay.
I already have one all prepared.
Really?
Uh-huh.
It's on my mastodon profile.
What is it?
It says sarcasm is a precious resource that too often goes wasted.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's your standard saying.
We're slogging, I guess.
I won't have one.
Um.
Not even, I'm here to help.
No.
Because you're not.
No.
I mean, I do begrudgingly.
Uh, no, I just, um, I mean your life is so complex.
It cannot be reduced to a slogan.
Yeah.
That's my slogan right there.
That's my slogan.
My life is so complex.
It can't be reduced to a slogan.
That's my slogan.
I have to get you a mastodon account and put that on there.
Yeah.
So, that's my slogan.
There we go.
Thank you for my slogan.
What's the most stress relieving thing you can do for less than $20?
Well, it doesn't cost anything to actually do it.
You can jerk off.
It costs a thing.
Uh, there you go.
That's my answer.
It's not the liquor store.
No.
No, I quit drinking.
Yeah, that's fun when you, when you're first throwing it, but then the hangover sucks in that $20.
You spend another $20 on greasy food and Advil in the next day.
That $20 on the previous day.
And all the taxes.
Mm-hmm.
And then the stupid shit you did using that $20.
The moronic stuff.
You do even more stress.
Yeah.
The moronic stuff that you said and did in public.
Yeah.
And that's not saying I'm against people who drink.
They can drink all they want.
It's not for me anymore.
Yeah.
Every time we give an opinion on something we lose another listener.
Yeah.
We didn't need them anyway.
That's all.
So.
The stress-releasing thing that I do is go for a walk in the nature.
Yeah.
That's true.
Yeah.
I will sometimes bring this field recorder with me and plug in the earphones so I can hear the birds better.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
And I go with you on those walks.
That's not true.
So.
We see deer, squirrels, rabbits.
Mm-hmm.
Dead bodies.
I didn't smell it, but I didn't see it.
That's crazy.
You really think there might have been something?
It sure smelled like death on that path.
It was probably something that was dead then.
Yeah.
Probably an animal or something like that.
I don't know.
It smelled like your foot did when you had the osteomyelitis.
Mm-hmm.
That's gross.
That smell doesn't go away.
Mm-hmm.
It kind of just nestles right up in your nasal comb.
Okay.
What great idea would you like to try if you had enough money?
I don't know if I have said this on the podcast or not.
It kind of seems like I have, but just in case I'm going to say it again.
When you get fast food at the fast food place at the drive-through and you take it home, often
by the time you get it home, it's soggy.
That's because you had hot sauce put on it or you had ketchup and mustard.
Mm-hmm.
And it got soggy.
Well, they have hot sauce in a packet and they have ketchup and mustard in the packet.
So you can order your hamburger plane and when you get home, put the seasoning of the sauce on it.
You won't have a soggy hamburger.
Yeah.
Well, I want packets of chili.
That's a good idea.
And I have actually looked.
Amazon has everything you could ever buy and they don't have that.
So you need to come meet an engineer or a restaurant tour or some food person to help you do that.
That's a good idea.
Because it's like a chili dog.
Yeah.
You get a plain dog and a packet of chili.
You need to put it on there.
Bread wouldn't be on the machine and ruined it on that stuff, though.
That's a good idea.
So I took it as something like, um, like, what create idea would you like to try?
You had enough money.
I thought you would say something like go into space with one of those celebrity new rocket jets that they go up in.
Like if you had enough, if you were rich enough, what would you do if you had enough money?
That's hard reading it.
Well, that would be fun for me, but not terribly useful for society.
No.
I don't think you would do it, though.
I don't think you would like to do it, but I don't think you'd do well among those little rocket jets, probably not.
I don't like being on airplanes.
I don't like being on elevators, but I have to get on elevators.
Yeah.
I think I think I think the only way to do it is if we stuff to follow X or something like that.
Yeah.
And I wouldn't know what I was doing.
Oh, you know, but you'd be enjoying weather and idiot.
So I'm not in, I don't have any kind of intuition when it comes to coming up with great ideas.
I'm the one that sits in the back and goes, that's a brilliant idea.
I wish I would have thought of it.
Unless you can take of something that I probably came up with.
I don't have any idea.
I don't either.
Yeah.
I'm pretty boring.
Real boring, actually.
So it's okay, though.
So yeah, we even make out with myself.
That's how boring I am.
What's celebrity do people compare you to?
I have no idea.
I've never, no one's ever compared me to a celebrity.
Have people compared you to a celebrity?
People compared the both of us to celebrities.
To who?
To give me a second, I'll think of it.
Jay and Silent Bob.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I guess.
Yeah.
You're Jay and I'm Silent Bob.
Yeah.
Not the way we look, but maybe because our attitudes are when you're quiet, I'm worried I'll come.
And the way we look.
Do you think so?
If we ever had to go to dress up costume party, that's what we should do.
I don't have the hair to be so hair Jay.
We could buy you a wig.
Okay.
So I guess so then.
That's a good one though.
Yeah.
We should do that actually when you're for that or I think we should be Mario and Luigi.
Okay.
You have no idea what I'm talking about.
Yeah.
Super Mario.
But I don't look very good in 8-bit.
Stop it.
That probably would have a lot of people's heads, but that's funny.
I don't know if it's all very tough.
So not Jay and Silent Bob, that's a good one.
Yeah.
So you think you look like another celebrity or no?
People constantly tell me I look just like Tom Sellik.
They mistake me for him all the time.
Shut up.
That's an idiot.
You're honoring today.
So is that it already?
I think so.
Wow.
That was a quick episode.
So, would you favorite joke this week?
Can you guess what number I'm thinking of?
Seven.
Nope.
What is it?
Guess again.
Nine.
It's between 68 and 70.
Sixty-nine.
Wow.
Sometimes you hit it out of the parking and some of these is a little dribbler up the middle.
Alright.
We hope you enjoyed episode 11 of the Baehr Curricut podcast.
This is Baehr.
This is correct.
Goodbye.
You have been listening to the Baehr and Curadh podcast, a production of the Land of Awes
Information Services. We can be contacted via email using the address podcast@awes.com
and Awes is spelled A-W-E-S.
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