Hello from Baehr and Curadh, a podcast from the Land of Oz Information Services.
I love you, Curadh.
I love you, Baehr.
All right, let's go.
This is episode 160 of the Baehr and Curadh podcast.
We're going to talk about more curious things.
Okay, just random questions and thoughts.
Okay.
I guess I'll start.
When you pass a mirror, do you always check your appearance?
No, I don't think so.
Often, I do.
I mean, at a glance.
Yeah, everybody does, but I don't stop.
Yeah, I don't see you being that type of person.
I think everyone stops and glances, but I don't think either one of them stop and pose.
But I think we both probably glance.
You know what I mean?
To make sure that you look all right, presentable.
How long do you spend combing your hair?
That's one of the questions in here, I thought.
It is?
I think so.
Not very long.
I don't use a comb.
I just put it on my fingers and spread it around my hair.
Wouldn't that make your hair smell really bad?
I don't put actual crap in my hands, but it's pomade.
But yeah, no, and I just, it takes me about a minute.
It takes me a minute to get what I want.
Okay.
Why, you say it's longer than that?
Hmm?
Do you plan what you would do if you became rich?
No.
Not at all.
I don't think it's going to happen, so why plan on it?
You don't think I'm going to buy a big fancy house or a nice car?
No.
It's not going to happen, so why worry about it?
Hmm.
I know that's a very pessimistic attitude, but I mean, how am I going to become filthy rich?
I'm not going to win the lottery.
You can't apply to the lottery to win it.
Don't forget I have a life insurance policy.
Yes, but I'm not banking on that.
I don't want to bank on that.
I want you around.
How many times do I have to tell you that?
I could care less about your life insurance policy.
I want you around.
I'm married to you, not your life insurance policy.
Silly bear.
How about you?
What do you plan?
Do you have plans?
Oh, I haven't lately, but in the past, I've thought of a place that I'd like to live.
Okay.
Like a place you'd pick out already?
No, I think I'd build something.
Okay.
What would you build?
Someplace way far away from everybody.
Hmm.
Imagine that.
I can't see you doing that at all.
What would you do in Kansas?
Oh, I don't...
I guess to be near family.
Yeah.
What would you build?
Well, I don't know.
I think like one of those industrial buildings, but all fancy on the inside.
Okay.
All right.
Would you put your mom up?
Yeah.
Oh, you would?
Okay.
Yeah.
So, you'd have like a family compound?
Yeah, I guess.
Wow.
Okay.
You're all about the family then, because...
Hmm.
All right.
Do you bite your nails?
I used to.
I don't any longer.
Why?
Why did you stop?
Lack of teeth, probably, and it's just...
It's something I just glad broke the habit of.
Hmm.
But, yeah.
Do you bite your nails?
I don't believe I've ever done that ever in my life.
Really?
That's good.
You could have enough to have.
So...
I don't really understand it.
I think it's more...
It's a compulsion, I guess.
It's more of a...
Yeah, that's all.
It's a nervous tick-tick almost.
Hmm.
So, but yeah, I don't any longer, see?
You can tell.
Yeah, you have fingernails.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Do you sing when there's nobody else to hear you?
I don't sing at all.
No, you don't.
It doesn't matter if there's anybody there or not.
I just don't.
I don't at all.
Yes, do I sing?
How many seconds does a song have to play before you start singing it?
Not very long at all.
Not very long.
No, I sing no matter what, and I can't sing for the like.
So, everyone gets to hear my horrible singing.
I don't have a voice.
I know I don't have a voice, but I don't care.
I'm still gonna sing.
I enjoy it.
It makes me smile, so...
It makes me happy.
I think probably what ruined me for singing is...
Ruined me sing?
No.
Church hymns.
Oh, okay.
Did you use to do church hymns?
I went to parochial school.
Yeah, you had to, didn't you?
We had mass every day.
So, you did the whole...
Those were the songs that they would teach.
Oh, wow.
So, you used to turn to hymns all day long?
Yes, all day long.
Oh, my God.
Who would wonder if I had nothing?
All right.
Can you wiggle your ears?
How about without moving your eyebrows?
I don't think I can.
I'll bet you can, though.
I can wiggle my ears.
I was just doing it.
When?
I was just doing it a second.
You can't tell now, because there's all...
Okay.
See?
And your eyebrows, are they moving?
I guess not.
See?
Ha-ha.
So, you have a hidden talent.
Yep, I'm going to be on the America's Got Talent.
Yeah, I'm sure that'll win you the million dollars.
That's how I'm going to become rich.
See?
That's how much effort I put in,
so, I'm not putting in getting rich.
No.
Yeah, well, so I guess I can't wiggle my ears.
So, and you can't?
No.
No, I don't think I've even ever tried.
Hmm.
Okay.
All right.
Do you wish you were uncircumcised?
Not really.
I never thought about it.
How do you wish for something you don't know what it's like?
Hmm.
Do you wish you were uncircumcised?
Yes.
Do you really?
Mm-hmm.
Why?
It takes me a very, very, very long time to come to orgasm.
Mm-hmm.
And you think that would cut that out?
I think that would have made a difference, yes.
Damn.
I, yeah, it doesn't take me long, so I don't, I don't know.
Are you mad at your parents for getting you uncircumcised?
Oh, God, I haven't thought about that.
Well, I think it's time, if you're mad at them now,
it's time to turn the page.
It's been long enough.
Mm-hmm.
All right.
Do you feel like you have strange thoughts that other people don't have?
Not really.
Maybe, maybe as a kid or growing up, I mean, it's like me.
Right now, while we're talking.
No?
Hmm.
Why do you?
I have thoughts all the time.
I don't know if they're strange thoughts, but I don't think a lot of people spend much
time thinking.
Okay.
That's fair.
So, you never just shut your brain off?
If I could, I could sleep at night.
Mm-hmm.
Well, there's times when you do sleep, so you must be able to turn it off.
After sheer exhaustion, I think.
You think so?
Well, remember the doctor prescribed Ambien for me, too.
Mm-hmm.
That's true.
And then when you don't take it, you still, yeah.
I don't take it every day because if I did, it would stop working.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Hmm.
Okay.
Where are we at now?
Do you have to explain?
We're at the next question.
Okay.
Do you often have to explain your jokes to people?
Yes.
Are you talking about me?
You just make me suffer, and then it dawns on me.
Most of the time, if they don't understand the joke, I won't explain it.
I just don't think it's worth it.
Okay.
But, like, at work.
I don't want people being angry with me, so I have to explain them.
Okay.
So, you just fall out for my work?
Mm-hmm.
Because you're the worker to their...
They're people I have to get along with.
Yeah.
That's good.
All right.
Which are weirder, goths or jocks?
Aren't they about equal?
Well...
Hmm.
I would tend to disagree, but...
What if you're a goth jock?
There is no such thing, right?
No, there could be.
I don't see...
I mean, I was...
I liked the goth scene in high school, but I was more of a jock.
But I respected the goth scene.
I mean, I was into The Cure and bands like that that promoted the goth look, so...
But I was probably...
In high school, I don't think there were any...
Goths or jocks?
It was a little tiny school.
It's like 23 people in my class.
You didn't have goths or jocks.
I mean, you...
Oh, they had jocks.
You had jocks.
Believe me, they had jocks.
Yeah, you had jocks, but there was no goths at one of your school.
It was...
No.
That was before your time, or after your time.
I guess.
Yeah.
So, I mean, there's probably kids that were different, but they're...
You know, goth and emo didn't come out until the late...
Or the 90s and 2000s, so...
I guess there were geeks.
And...
Yeah.
Geeks and nerds.
And, um...
In essence, they won.
Why's that?
It's...
It's not a big thing to be a geek.
No.
Yeah, that's true.
I mean, it used to be...
I don't know, you were...
You were, like, banished.
Or whatever.
I think a kid in high school could be a geek now, and...
Well, I don't know.
Maybe they would make fun of it.
But in high school, whatever you are, they can find a way to make fun of you.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Kids are cruel.
Kids are mean and cruel.
They are?
I want to be one.
Why?
So, I can be cruel.
You already beat me up all the time.
Torturing me mentally, physically.
Mm-hmm.
With your jokes that you have to explain to me all the time.
Mm-hmm.
Does it bother you?
Does it bother you when people speak in a monotone voice?
Yes.
Especially when it's slow.
Like when you just did.
Yes, that annoys the fuck out of me.
Sorry.
It doesn't bother you?
I hadn't thought of that.
I guess it would.
Yeah.
Just put a little oomph.
Or, I don't know, it's...
It's just, it's laziness to me.
I don't, I'm...
Hmm.
You know what I mean?
Like, they just don't care.
They don't have, like, the time to put any effort into the conversation, I guess.
Well, I don't.
I don't care, and I don't put effort into the conversation.
Well, sometimes I do, but most of the time I don't.
But I don't think I speak in a monotone either.
No, I don't think you do either.
Mainly because I just don't talk until, I have something to say.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, you're right.
You're right.
That's why I never say anything at all.
All right.
Does it make you uncomfortable when people disclose too much personal information?
Of course it does.
Does it?
You don't get the tea on something?
I don't get the what?
The tea.
The gossip, the tea on things.
No, I don't care about gossip.
The look on your face is bright.
But, yeah, you don't want to hear people's personal.
Well, like I said in the last episode, when somebody says, hi, how are you, when you get that how are you question, you should give them an elaborate second-by-second rundown of your day and see if they ask you again.
Yeah, just to see what they do.
Mm-hmm.
It doesn't bother me.
You probably get that at work a lot.
Oh, yeah.
I don't want to hear your sob story.
Oh, yeah, I hear it all the time.
That's probably one of my least favorite things about my job is that it's – because I don't believe half the shit they tell me.
I think they're all lying anyway because most of them are.
My grandmother died yesterday just like she did last week.
Yeah, and to be quite frank, I don't care why you need the money.
If someone did die in your family, oh, boo-hoo, sorry, my world keeps going.
So, I don't know.
I mean, that sounds cold, but I don't know.
I guess –
I guess you can only be empathetic for so long.
Yeah.
And then when somebody takes advantage of it, you say, okay, well, that's it.
So, we had to do –
No more of that.
We had to do that a week or two ago to a guy.
And it's the same thing.
Mm-hmm.
So –
Kind of like in the family business, every once in a while, someone would ask for basically a favor.
Like, would you hold that without any payment or whatever?
And we would have to say, other people before you have ruined that.
Yeah.
Yeah, because it happens all the time.
Mm-hmm.
Well, actions of the few ruin for the many.
Mm-hmm.
That's what I tell people all the time.
It's too bad, too.
Okay.
Does your hair always have to look perfect?
I don't know.
What do you think, mister?
Apparently, you think I take too long with my hair.
So, no, I don't think my hair has to look perfect all the time.
I don't have any hair anymore to worry about.
So, I mean, I do pamper the hair that I do have.
So, I guess.
I don't know.
I just cut mine short.
There's nothing to style.
Yeah.
My hair's only like a quarter of an inch thick.
Well, you still comb it, though, don't you?
Yeah.
I mean, I could wipe my fingers through it and do just as well.
Yeah, that's true.
I don't – I don't care, really, what my hair looks like.
Yeah.
I don't care what other people's hair looks like, either.
So, you wouldn't care what my hair looks like, no matter what?
So, if you want to meet me and impress me, a fancy hairdresser isn't going to do it?
No.
Or a cologne.
Or a cologne, yeah.
The only thing that's impressed you is a hairy chest.
That's how I –
That's how you picked me out?
Yeah.
You never even saw my chest until we met.
Mm-hmm.
And it was –
At that point, I said, this guy's interesting.
Before then, there was no interest whatsoever.
Who knew?
I love you.
In your own little weird way.
All right.
Do you do things just to amuse yourself?
Yeah.
I think everybody does.
Mm-hmm.
I'm a fidget spinner.
How many fidget spinners do you have?
I don't have any right now.
Mm-hmm.
But I think there's things that people do.
Everybody does.
I mean, to amuse themselves.
Remember at the Gay Pride – the booth we had at the Gay Pride Festival?
Mm-hmm.
You went and you got something because you needed something to fidget with.
A football.
Yeah.
A football, yeah.
And played with it the whole time, too.
Mm-hmm.
So –
Yeah, I have other things to play with.
Like what?
Yeah.
Yeah, I went and found that football so I could play with it.
Yes.
So, to answer that question, yes.
I do things to amuse myself.
Hmm.
Do you think you do?
Probably, but I can't think of any examples.
Write computer programs, start podcasts.
Yeah, I pretty much go from one project to another.
Yeah, too.
But I don't – a lot of people start projects.
And then never pursue after that.
That's true.
You do.
I wrote in my journal the other day that the programming projects that I do,
the fun part is putting it together.
Mm-hmm.
Actually, using it.
Using fun?
Yeah.
Hmm.
It's like getting a Lego set, putting it together.
And once it's done, putting it together, it just kind of sits there.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, speaking of Legos, I'm getting a set of Legos.
Okay.
Remember, yeah, we'll talk about that out there.
We don't need to talk about that on the podcast.
But I got excited about it since it's the one that I want.
Yeah, we saw it.
Hmm.
Shields.
Okie dokie.
Oh, speaking of projects, I have done a project to convert our podcast episodes
from audio to video.
From audio into video.
Video, mm-hmm.
And uploading them on YouTube.
Yep.
How many episodes have you done?
Maybe half a dozen.
Okay.
The programming didn't take me very long.
I wanted, most people just upload their MP3 audio file with a cover on it.
And when you see them on YouTube, it's just this static picture for an hour.
Mm-hmm.
And I think that's boring.
So, I wrote a program to change the cover art every few seconds.
And so, yeah, the programming part was more fun than the doing part.
Okay.
And YouTube does not make it easy.
You can't just call an API that I know of to populate your channel.
Okay.
You have all these manual steps you have to do.
Hmm.
Well, that's good.
I mean, another form, another way of hearing us.
Yeah, it might get us some exposure, but YouTube is so vast and there's so many other things
to see, nobody's ever going to find our podcast on there.
No.
We don't even know if anyone's listening now, so.
It's true.
So, all right.
Do you like to tell stories about your real-life experiences?
I suppose.
I think everybody does.
Yeah, I mean, I tell people enough.
People ask enough about my leg and stuff like that, and I tell that story.
So, I mean.
Regularly at work, somebody says, you know, I'm getting an appendectomy or I'm getting
a wisdom tooth removed or whatever, and they'll go around asking other people for their stories.
And it's usually horrible, horrible stories.
Yeah.
It's brutal.
Okay.
Yeah.
I think, like I said, I tell them plenty of things, you know what I mean?
And then people ask me about, like, it's almost like a club when people see who are other amputees.
I've told you that, and people will say, well, where did he go?
They want to know where I went, where, you know, he does my prosthetic and stuff like
that.
So, yeah, I'm constantly telling people.
I comment on the cane club every once in a while.
Mm.
Yeah.
Sometimes I'll see somebody at work who is using a cane that I've never seen them use.
I've seen somebody using it before, and I'll say, are you a permanent member of the cane
club, or is this just temporary?
Yeah.
So, do you think you're a permanent member or temporary?
Unfortunately, probably permanent, yeah.
Yeah.
At least when I'm walking a distance, and it really all depends on how much pain I'm
in at the time.
Yeah.
I take it to work because it's quite a long distance from where I park to my desk, and
I never know.
I don't know how the day's going to end, so it's better to have it with me.
Have the cane with you.
Yeah.
That's smart.
All right.
Do you ever do offbeat things just to provoke people?
I can't see you doing that.
You never want any attention.
What do you mean?
So, you're being serious, like I don't...
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
I don't think I do.
I think it's just like fading into the background.
Mm-hmm.
So, I don't know.
I'd rather be back there.
Do you think you do?
I don't do offbeat things to provoke people, but I beat off to provoke people.
You were just waiting to tell that joke, weren't you?
Just wait it.
Wait it, wait it, and wait.
Lying in wait, lurking in the background, waiting for that.
All right.
The people who crave attention are the ones who do that.
Yeah.
So, no, I don't think I do.
Definitely not.
No.
All right.
Well, do you have a joke for us this week?
I do, but...
Am I going to get it?
Probably not.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.
He isn't breathing, and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy gets on his phone and calls 911 and says,
My friend is dead.
What can I do?
And the operator says,
Calm down.
I can help.
First, let's make sure he's really dead.
And there's silence and a gunshot.
Okay, now what?
That's terrible.
That is terrible.
It's funny, but it's terrible.
All right.
Oh, gosh.
All right.
This was episode 160 of the Baehr and Curadh podcast.
This is Baehr and Curadh.
Goodbye.
Bye-bye.
laughs
You have been listening to the Baehr and Curadh Podcast,
a production of the Land of Awes Information Services.
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